hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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