like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
