all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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