Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
