You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize