What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
