Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
