shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
