I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
