Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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