The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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