im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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