First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
