fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
