1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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