dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
