I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize