How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
