My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm passing your future prison.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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