i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
