I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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