all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
