I bet he comes in French.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
