god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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