Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
