how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
