Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
