I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
