please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
