uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to sanitize my soul.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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