I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
