i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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