did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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