Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
