3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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