I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
