Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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