Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
