Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
