the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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