Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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