I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize