You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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