Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
