ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
