hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize