dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
