I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
