I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
