Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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