We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
