i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
