chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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