Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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