I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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