I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
