Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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