I'm really into asian looking animals
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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