Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no, he came in my armpit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
