So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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