Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
