SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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