She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize