No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
