Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
